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Capriz
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| I am soo exhausted. I've been so exhausted lately. I guess the workload
is really getting to me, lack of sleep, lack of healthy food, Burger
King isn't the best >_<
On top of that, papers, papers, capa, homeworks that take an enternity
to finish hasn't been helping me. The weekeed is my time to rest
<god bless the weekends> Went to the mall with the A14 possee
yesterday, it was fun, I got a cute new shirt! <yay!> Wasn't
feeling too up for a mall trip, but everyone else seemed to have fun
and enjoyed the mall trip. I have found that I have strange cravings
for pepperoni, 7-11 biscuit sandwiches and Hawaiin punch, and mashed
potatoes ( not all together!!!). I need to go to the gym more often but
like no one really goes on a set time ( makes sense, different
classes end at different times, blah-di-blah). But I think I need to
take better care of myself and will work towards that.
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| Ahh, the workload piles on with capas, bio prelabs, tests, homework,
and writing ten page journals for writing 102. and through all this i
have tried to find time to hang out with friends. Naps apparently make
me look like the living dead, hey, it takes time for me to wake up!
hehe. sigh... thinking about joining the equestrian club again, and
bah, i missed a meeting of ksa <sob> I should be working now, but
I feel like procrastinating SOOO much. I've actually been putting off
something that i dunt really want to talk about. Anyway, my writing
binder is open, beckoning me to do work. <sob> will try to
update soon.
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| So.. yeah.. I know it seems like I haven't updated but yeah... private
entries and all... I've been feeling really easily annoyed and this
scares me cause I snap like no one else... O_O and I soo regret it.
Well, things are okay, classe are fine... blah-di-blah 19 credits...
<sob> lolz. But I enjoy my classes a lot, especially my SSO-102
class and my Bio 202 class.. very awesome. hmm... well... this was a
very kosher entry... my emotions are split on my as kit calls it " the
bitch book". But I've been just keeping myself busy with work and my
furry fish! OHH! I miss my Kathy! sniffles, u left me for Boston! lolz,
but yeah... when ur ass learns to drive o_- lolz, or mine, either way,
ur coming up here or i'm coming down there. I want to go to Boston!!!
the trip is long but i get to see my Kathy!!! Lolz, i should call her
and like be like KATHYYY and she'll be like Da-Ir!! lolz, damn mishap
in our elementary yearbook, and the girl wunt let me live it down
haha... I think me and her should take a trip to Toronto to visit our
Mehnaz!!! I wonder how my Mehnaz is!!! awwww! My crazy little totally
doing a lesbian calender with lydia friend! lolz. OOO and my Zahra and
her Nev aka Tunes! Guppy and Tuna! lolz, I wonder how the wedding plans
go =) I miss all my friends who have stuck by me forever ^-^. We'll be
old and gray and be talking about these times. Sigh... well, test on
Valentine's Day... i thank the lord for bringing me some salvation on
this horid hormone, chocolate, flower, heart, filled day. But anyway,
back to work!
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| Feeling: Like I'm not comfortable in my own skin
I hate social pressures -_-. Lolz, though I've given in to many of
them... I don't know, I've been pretty like worried about a lot of
shit, cause I'm just that kind of person. I feel like I don't enjoy
many situations I am in currently and I think that it is really
important to make sure I am happy. And that comes with just trying to
focus more and doing more crap haha... last night was reallly fun. We
played laser tag and won... go team Badonkidonk (someone with a nice
ass...) yeah.. lolz, i think we made many people on that line afraid of
us with our weirdness and our conversations haha...but I enjoyed it.
Then we walked on Roth Pond and it was like whoah.. how often do u get
such an awesome perspective? Then we went to go and eat and met up with
Will, ate, met Danny, coffee, awesome conversations, then we came to my
room and chilled and then we went over to Will's and then the diner and
then back to my room where we chilled and didn't sleep for 24 hours..
oh man not eating substantial food and not sleeping gives an effect of
like drunkeness... u totally are O_O. Denise, me and Chris decided that
the universe does things on itz on volition, we talked about
opportunities that pass... and just a whole bunch of shit. It was nice
watching the sun rise.... ^-^ I've missed a lot of aspects of
college... did a lot of stupid things too, <shudder> I am a
person who has a lot of regrets and wish I could take a lot of things
back. I think I am just gonna settle down and do some work and like
sulk for a bit... thinking is never good thus I hope to keep busy. I
actually want to go somewhere and scream and cry... have a good cry...
and like that'll make me feel better and better able to deal with a
lot.
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| Feeling: Conflicted
Ahh.. yeah... well... hmm... well, I've been at
Stony for a while and for some odd reason... well... relationship stuff
seems to come up again.. lolz... i mention nothing and well.. i just
feel like is this all in people's lives? I swear I feel sometimes that
I should not know anything but for some reason I do lolz. I'm glad I'm
an easy going person to talk to, I listen, I comfort and don't like
blackmail u and stuff lolz. Well, I don't know.. it seems that people
have been going through like changes and others are having trouble
dealing... I mention no one.... others have problems with annoying
people and like being grimey and stuff... and me... I have to learn to
let go... I know I'll always feel something but I think itz a
matter of just keeping it to myself and screaming inside lolz... I feel
distant from friends such as Lydia, Ben, Julie and others... I was
always just there, like saying hi and stuff... never really
participating in their activities... I don't know.... like I don't know
if they like err.. just want to be doing their thing... and I dunt want
to intrude or anything... but yeah.. I do stuff with A14 and I'm glad I
still talk to Ben and Lydia and others lolz. I really have been trying
to be calmer and not like be as hyper and obnoxious. I listen, and
smile and nod, add comment if I have something to say and I even like
try to keep my voice down now a days. I actually feel happier just
being calm... I like this serenity.. lolz. Anyhow, I feel more honestly
nicer to people and I try to watch what I say and I just like... keep
busy with work and I clear my head sometimes with walks when like I
feel a bit overwhelmed at times. With this kind of open mind and
serenity when before I felt like everyone hated me... I found people to
be quite nice and awesome ^-^. It was weird... I don't know but like I
feel sad at times just wishing things could be better in certain
aspects but with a blink I just remember I shouldn't be and should just
work hard and try to be a good person. I don't know.. itz like one of
the things I feel when people ask what's the meaning of life.. i say
itz to be a good person and learn to love urself. many times people get
upset because they don't have the most expensive car, clothing, aren't
in a relationship.. etc.. be happy for ur health, for being able
to live another day in which you can feel the sun on ur skin, enjoy the
food u eat, laugh with friends. I wonder sometimes if I'm a bad
person... I don't know... I feel like such a bitch at times and I wish
I could take it back. At times i feel selfish and I feel like how are
my actions affecting others. I work towards just being a kinder person,
lolz, less annoying and stuff.
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